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General Discussion / Re: Depression and anxiety after first child
« Last post by rssooner on September 06, 2020, 07:11:13 AM »Jonas,
First, congratulations on your daughter. Being a father is the most rewarding and challenging thing you can ever do. Second, you must believe me when I say you are not alone on how you feel and the struggles that you are facing being a new father. I am a firm believer in that the fathers that struggle the most are the ones that are a bit more of a "control freak" when it comes to organizing their lives, etc. Not a control freak in controlling others but more in the way things are planned out, organized, etc. When a child arrives it completely destroys that "controlled lifestyle". You are now the one being controlled by a cute, sweet, adorable, crying, no sleeping, pooping bundle of love. LOL. I was the exact same way! So you are not alone!
You must take a step back and take a deep breath. You are a good father because you care so much. You came to this site because you know in your heart that you don't want to think this way. Like I have mentioned, it takes so much more of a man to realize you are not where you want to be and do something about it versus just keep doing what you're doing and "tough it out".
I am not a licensed therapist so my input is strictly from my own experiences so take it from that perspective. You may consider some anti-anxiety medication to help get you through this challenging time as a new father. You may also consider some therapy. For some reason you have developed a false belief system and I did the same thing. At times I still do. What I mean by this is that when events happen in your life (could be very simple things) you automatically go to a negative belief/thought. For example, you said you text your wife and if she doesn't reply within 30 seconds you get extremely anxious, etc. because she may be struggling with your daughter and something bad may be happening. You came to this belief based on NO true facts to support it. You automatically went there. Who knows, they may of been playing together, napping, etc. Does that make sense? So many times when we assume things are bad, they aren't. You told us that your wife is doing great and she seems to be enjoying being a new mom but you doubt she is telling you the truth. You doubt her because of the negative beliefs you place in your head with NO true facts to support them.
Being new parents will have it's great rewards as well as make you question what the heck were we thinking starting a family...again, all normal thoughts. However, if you don't change the way you are thinking then you will not enjoy being a father. You will look back with regrets. Just enjoy the ride! You don't have to have all the answers. I promise you..you will not have them. If your daughter is healthy, is eating, sleeping at times, etc. then you and your wife are doing all you can to care for her. Now just mentally enjoy being a father and it will all work out...
I truly hope this helps you. You will be just fine.
Best,
rssooner
First, congratulations on your daughter. Being a father is the most rewarding and challenging thing you can ever do. Second, you must believe me when I say you are not alone on how you feel and the struggles that you are facing being a new father. I am a firm believer in that the fathers that struggle the most are the ones that are a bit more of a "control freak" when it comes to organizing their lives, etc. Not a control freak in controlling others but more in the way things are planned out, organized, etc. When a child arrives it completely destroys that "controlled lifestyle". You are now the one being controlled by a cute, sweet, adorable, crying, no sleeping, pooping bundle of love. LOL. I was the exact same way! So you are not alone!
You must take a step back and take a deep breath. You are a good father because you care so much. You came to this site because you know in your heart that you don't want to think this way. Like I have mentioned, it takes so much more of a man to realize you are not where you want to be and do something about it versus just keep doing what you're doing and "tough it out".
I am not a licensed therapist so my input is strictly from my own experiences so take it from that perspective. You may consider some anti-anxiety medication to help get you through this challenging time as a new father. You may also consider some therapy. For some reason you have developed a false belief system and I did the same thing. At times I still do. What I mean by this is that when events happen in your life (could be very simple things) you automatically go to a negative belief/thought. For example, you said you text your wife and if she doesn't reply within 30 seconds you get extremely anxious, etc. because she may be struggling with your daughter and something bad may be happening. You came to this belief based on NO true facts to support it. You automatically went there. Who knows, they may of been playing together, napping, etc. Does that make sense? So many times when we assume things are bad, they aren't. You told us that your wife is doing great and she seems to be enjoying being a new mom but you doubt she is telling you the truth. You doubt her because of the negative beliefs you place in your head with NO true facts to support them.
Being new parents will have it's great rewards as well as make you question what the heck were we thinking starting a family...again, all normal thoughts. However, if you don't change the way you are thinking then you will not enjoy being a father. You will look back with regrets. Just enjoy the ride! You don't have to have all the answers. I promise you..you will not have them. If your daughter is healthy, is eating, sleeping at times, etc. then you and your wife are doing all you can to care for her. Now just mentally enjoy being a father and it will all work out...
I truly hope this helps you. You will be just fine.
Best,
rssooner