Hello Guest
Welcome to the PostpartumMen online forum. This is the first and only online community for men with concerns about depression, anxiety or other mood disruptions after the birth of a child. We hope this is a comfortable place for you to find information and get support from other dads to help in your recovery. Please be aware that PostpartumMen reserves the right to delete any post that we believe is inflammatory, derogatory or hurtful. We want the men who post here to know they’re safe from judgement when revealing their very private concerns. I will try to visit the forum as much as possible. However, this forum is primarily intended to serve as an online community of self-help and mutual support. If you have a concern about a posting, email me at DrWill@SadDaddy.com. Please understand that I am unable to respond to individual emails regarding mental health concerns.

Recent Posts

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General Discussion / Re: Dad of Two Girls
« Last post by rssooner on November 30, 2017, 01:32:54 PM »
Dad of 2 Girls,

First, congratulations on your daugther.  It sounds like you are doing an amazing job trying to balance the life of a father/husband and your career.  As you know, there are no instructional manuals that prepares you for everything that fatherhood brings.  If you are the bread winner of the family then you must focus on your career as well in order to be the best father/husband you can be.  It was hard for me to not feel like I needed to always be there.  You have to be able to let go of some of the control and know that everything will work out fine.  It is completely normal to feel tired.  Do you have anyone that can come and watch the girls so you and your wife can have a break for a day or two?  That may help recharge you both. 
General Discussion / Re: What do I say?
« Last post by rssooner on November 30, 2017, 01:26:18 PM »

Trust me...this is a stressful time.  There is a lot of anxiety to being parents and I think you should try not to beat yourself up too much.  It's a good thing that you have identified that you are feeling the way you are.  If you feel that you can not snap out of it I would absolutely try and seek out some help and possibly get on some medication while you are going through this HUGE transition in your life.  It takes more of a man to do whatever you have to do in order to be the best father and husband possible.  Your wife is going through a lot too and you must be able to communicate and ask for her support.  If your intentions are to be the best possible father and husband then you should express this to her.

I hope this helps.
General Discussion / Re: So where do I go
« Last post by rssooner on November 18, 2017, 06:57:14 AM »
If you haven't done so already, go see someone.  There is no shame in getting help.  People come to you for help and you are only human.  Maybe it could be as simple as being on some medication and you could be a completely different person.  You are a bigger, braver and stronger man by getting help then to have depression beat you.

I hope you get some help.

General Discussion / Re: So where do I go
« Last post by Picklesandtomatoes on November 15, 2017, 03:44:18 AM »
I think men take strength from other men. If they see other men around them faltering, they wonder if they can handle life’s challenges themselves. If they don’t acknowledge it, they can pretend it doesn’t exist and pretend everything is fine.

You know it really does suck how the good can’t overcome the bad when you have depression but the bad can easily overtake the good. Try to remember that depression is not forever and it will have an end, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. You’ll get through this just like every other challenge in your life. Hang in there!
General Discussion / Re: What do I say?
« Last post by Picklesandtomatoes on November 15, 2017, 03:31:47 AM »
She likely doesn’t have the bandwidth to try to help you and deal with her own feelings about motherhood. If she hasn’t dealt with depression before, she probably doesn’t understand what you are going through. On top of that, she is probably used to relying on you for emotional support. Now that you require emotional support plus adjusting to a baby, she is probably having trouble adapting herself. I would suggest that you be straightforward and say directly “I’m dealing with postpartum depression so please bear with me.” You could also write it in a letter to her if that would be easier. I feel like you are trying to rely on your wife to fix your depression. I would try to find some outside help for talking/venting to ease the burden on your wife so she will have more bandwidth to provide you with more love and understanding. Hang in there!
General Discussion / What do I say?
« Last post by Kdad on November 06, 2017, 02:51:20 PM »
My wife is angry with me because she feels I’m distant, she’s angry because she feels alone & unsupported. And yet, I feel all the same things and she doesn’t see it... I know I’m not being a good dad at the moment, I know I’m not being the man I should, but with this crushing weight of depression, upset & frustration I feel like half the man I normally am.
When my son cries & I’m holding him I don’t feel anything - not good or bad, just nothing but exhaustion & blankness. I can’t help him until someone helps me.
The last 8 weeks have been amazing, and watching him grow already is inspirational, but I’m worried that I’m not connecting with him now because depression & anxiety are stopping me. I’ve always thought anxiety was a load of rubbish, but now with the pressure of his arrival I feel a restricting & limiting anxiety which stops me sleeping, makes me angry with no cause, and snap for no reason. I know I need help, and I keep saying I’m struggling, and yet it falls on deaf ears appeal after appeal. My wife can’t support me, because she doesn’t see it hurting me, although when she does it’s a snap reaction or an unnecessary escalation. I hate being this way, but how do I fix it?
I don’t want to work, I have no real appetite, I am drinking far too much. I even googled paternal postnatal depression & left it on my phone on the off chance she would see it & ask me about it. But she doesn’t, she just thinks I’m being rude & distant because I want to be. But that’s not fair, I want to be a family, I want to want to be with them - I want to fix this... I’m not sure my body or mind can take much more of this unless something changes - please give me some advice!?
General Discussion / So where do I go
« Last post by Sealion74 on November 04, 2017, 02:08:39 PM »
So where do I go from here. I am a healthcare professional and an avid outdoorsman. The stigma attached to being depressed is uncanny. People look at you as if you were contagious. Meanwhile my soul screams in silence. I have survived gangs, drug dealing and yet in the end the emotional scars that I have used to protect myself is what will be the very thing that might be my demise. Dont know why today of all days but, today is bad. I can deny the depression. I can run from it. Still no matter what I do I cant fight it.  I have saved lives. People and families are together because of me yet I find no solace in that. I will go to sleep and wake to fight another day
General Discussion / Dad of Two Girls
« Last post by Josh of 2 girls on October 24, 2017, 11:28:48 AM »
Thank you guys for this site. I hope others will use this forum. My second daughter will be 4 weeks old tomorrow. I still very often have no idea what I'm doing. My wife has Crohn's disease and gave birth to both our girls via cesarean. I am scared to go back to work and not be home to help take care of all 3 of my girls. I'm military and have been eating up leave to stay home. I know I eventually got to a decent point before the second was born, but not to the level of parenting I really want in the end. Now I just feel overwhelmed and tired all the time. I know I'm good at things. Why can't I be just as good at parenting?
General Discussion / Welcome To The New Forum, Dads! Please Join The Discussion
« Last post by DrWill on October 17, 2017, 01:26:05 PM »
First, I really want to thank Rob for his welcome and for sharing his story. Anyone who's been on this site before knows that Rob provided a TON of support, counsel and encouragement to other dads who were struggling. I and all those other dads are extremely grateful to him for that.

I also want to say that I'm SO sorry that we're not able to show all of the previous posts to this forum. When we updated the site and switched platforms, we were unable to move the previous posts to the new forum.

I know it's a little daunting to get the discussion going at first. But once dads get started talking here, there's a lot of support and dialogue. So, I encourage you to jump in.

Wishing you the best with fatherhood!

Dr. Will

P.S.  We DO still have a file of all of the old posts. If anyone has the tech know-how to get those posts onto this new platform, we'd really appreciate your help. And those posts were invaluable to a lot of dads.
General Discussion / Welcome Dads
« Last post by rssooner on September 23, 2017, 07:11:12 AM »

I was a long time user of this forum/website many years ago.  If I wouldn't of found this forum a couple of weeks after my son was born over 9 years ago I don't know what it would of been like.  Dr. Will informed me that the this new version of the website was up and I wanted to post something to welcome those who will utilize it and hopefully this site will help you as much as it helped me.

Let me give you a quick overview of my story...  I was married for almost 4 years and we planned to have our son.  I was an extremely proud and happy father to be.  Son was born and it was great.  2 weeks into my son's life, I was VERY sleep deprived, frustrated about being a clueless father and worried about being the best father I could be.  I put a lot of pressure on me and my wife to be perfect parents.  That was completely unrealistic.  We had a lot of close friends and family over for a celebration and as everyone was leaving, a huge overwhelming feeling of panic, anxiety and a feeling of being left behind and trapped overcame me.  It spiraled out of control and I could not snap myself out of it.  I pulled away mentally and physically from being a father and husband.  I became very depressed, sad and anxious.  I would cry uncontrollably at times.  I was a mess.  I felt extremely guilty for being in this situation.  I knew I needed to get help.

I decided to go and see a psychologist to work through my situation and I also went to a psychiatrist to get on an anti-depressant.  It was the smartest decision I have ever done.  I worked through my feelings and my false beliefs on how being a father should be and realized that I don't have to have all the answers.  I learned how to enjoy the situation I was in.

Since then, I have helped Dr. Will and hopefully other fathers in similar situations by doing interviews for many magazines and major television networks.  I was in a depressive episode that I wouldn't of wanted my worse enemy to go through and if I can help someone out there then it's worth all of the time I spent.   

Utilize this forum to help yourself and to help other fathers going through similar challenges. 


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