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Welcome to the PostpartumMen online forum. This is the first and only online community for men with concerns about depression, anxiety or other mood disruptions after the birth of a child. We hope this is a comfortable place for you to find information and get support from other dads to help in your recovery. Please be aware that PostpartumMen reserves the right to delete any post that we believe is inflammatory, derogatory or hurtful. We want the men who post here to know they’re safe from judgement when revealing their very private concerns. I will try to visit the forum as much as possible. However, this forum is primarily intended to serve as an online community of self-help and mutual support. If you have a concern about a posting, email me at DrWill@SadDaddy.com. Please understand that I am unable to respond to individual emails regarding mental health concerns.

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General Discussion / Re: Daughter with cerebral palsy
« Last post by Nejolneka on December 20, 2017, 12:58:45 PM »
Тут собраны ролики с плотными отверстиями готовыми к анальному сексу. Самое свежее анальное порно с женщинами всех вкусов разбитое на интересные категории видео портала
General Discussion / Daughter with cerebral palsy
« Last post by sjpas on December 01, 2017, 06:26:25 PM »

A year ago my ex gave birth to twins. During the pregnancy a complication arose where we were told one of our daughters would have severe cerebral palsy (unable to walk, see, speak, chronic pain and infections, epilepsy).  I was for late term abortion, my ex was not...which is why she's my ex now.

We were told that our daughter (Eliza) would have difficulty surviving her first year.  I didn't have an issue taking care of her when I had her because I kinda thought she was going to die soon.  Well it turns out she's doing better than expected and I want to die. I hate caring for her, when she cries I want to run away and leave her screaming in the crib. I don't know how I will ever care about her. I just feel like caring for her is a waste of time. She is never going to even acknowledge that I exist. I just want to run away and never see her ever again.

But there's my other daughter (Aster) in this too.  She is developing completely normally and gives me routine joy when I get to see her.  She has a strong connection to me and we have a lot of fun playing games together. Unfortunately I feel like my connection with Aster isn't developing normally either cause I'm dreading having to care for Eliza thanklessly for the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure if I run away from Aster then I'll regret it immediately, and for the rest of my life.  But I don't know if I can just see my 'normal' daughter and fuck off from the one I get depressed thinking about (I don't think the courts will like that very much, also Aster will probably hate me when she's older).

So then my options are essentially to run away from it all or just accept the reality of both my children. But fuck that. fuck that. I don't give a shit about Eliza as far as I can feel right now.. I feel like I'm being dragged into caring about her by the people around me, and I'm dying inside every second I think about the next eighteen years.

Anyway, just wanted to rant a bit and get my thoughts down. I'm glad this has been set up for us all.
General Discussion / Re: Dad of Two Girls
« Last post by rssooner on November 30, 2017, 01:32:54 PM »
Dad of 2 Girls,

First, congratulations on your daugther.  It sounds like you are doing an amazing job trying to balance the life of a father/husband and your career.  As you know, there are no instructional manuals that prepares you for everything that fatherhood brings.  If you are the bread winner of the family then you must focus on your career as well in order to be the best father/husband you can be.  It was hard for me to not feel like I needed to always be there.  You have to be able to let go of some of the control and know that everything will work out fine.  It is completely normal to feel tired.  Do you have anyone that can come and watch the girls so you and your wife can have a break for a day or two?  That may help recharge you both. 
General Discussion / Re: What do I say?
« Last post by rssooner on November 30, 2017, 01:26:18 PM »

Trust me...this is a stressful time.  There is a lot of anxiety to being parents and I think you should try not to beat yourself up too much.  It's a good thing that you have identified that you are feeling the way you are.  If you feel that you can not snap out of it I would absolutely try and seek out some help and possibly get on some medication while you are going through this HUGE transition in your life.  It takes more of a man to do whatever you have to do in order to be the best father and husband possible.  Your wife is going through a lot too and you must be able to communicate and ask for her support.  If your intentions are to be the best possible father and husband then you should express this to her.

I hope this helps.
General Discussion / Re: So where do I go
« Last post by rssooner on November 18, 2017, 06:57:14 AM »
If you haven't done so already, go see someone.  There is no shame in getting help.  People come to you for help and you are only human.  Maybe it could be as simple as being on some medication and you could be a completely different person.  You are a bigger, braver and stronger man by getting help then to have depression beat you.

I hope you get some help.

General Discussion / Re: So where do I go
« Last post by Picklesandtomatoes on November 15, 2017, 03:44:18 AM »
I think men take strength from other men. If they see other men around them faltering, they wonder if they can handle life’s challenges themselves. If they don’t acknowledge it, they can pretend it doesn’t exist and pretend everything is fine.

You know it really does suck how the good can’t overcome the bad when you have depression but the bad can easily overtake the good. Try to remember that depression is not forever and it will have an end, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. You’ll get through this just like every other challenge in your life. Hang in there!
General Discussion / Re: What do I say?
« Last post by Picklesandtomatoes on November 15, 2017, 03:31:47 AM »
She likely doesn’t have the bandwidth to try to help you and deal with her own feelings about motherhood. If she hasn’t dealt with depression before, she probably doesn’t understand what you are going through. On top of that, she is probably used to relying on you for emotional support. Now that you require emotional support plus adjusting to a baby, she is probably having trouble adapting herself. I would suggest that you be straightforward and say directly “I’m dealing with postpartum depression so please bear with me.” You could also write it in a letter to her if that would be easier. I feel like you are trying to rely on your wife to fix your depression. I would try to find some outside help for talking/venting to ease the burden on your wife so she will have more bandwidth to provide you with more love and understanding. Hang in there!
General Discussion / What do I say?
« Last post by Kdad on November 06, 2017, 02:51:20 PM »
My wife is angry with me because she feels I’m distant, she’s angry because she feels alone & unsupported. And yet, I feel all the same things and she doesn’t see it... I know I’m not being a good dad at the moment, I know I’m not being the man I should, but with this crushing weight of depression, upset & frustration I feel like half the man I normally am.
When my son cries & I’m holding him I don’t feel anything - not good or bad, just nothing but exhaustion & blankness. I can’t help him until someone helps me.
The last 8 weeks have been amazing, and watching him grow already is inspirational, but I’m worried that I’m not connecting with him now because depression & anxiety are stopping me. I’ve always thought anxiety was a load of rubbish, but now with the pressure of his arrival I feel a restricting & limiting anxiety which stops me sleeping, makes me angry with no cause, and snap for no reason. I know I need help, and I keep saying I’m struggling, and yet it falls on deaf ears appeal after appeal. My wife can’t support me, because she doesn’t see it hurting me, although when she does it’s a snap reaction or an unnecessary escalation. I hate being this way, but how do I fix it?
I don’t want to work, I have no real appetite, I am drinking far too much. I even googled paternal postnatal depression & left it on my phone on the off chance she would see it & ask me about it. But she doesn’t, she just thinks I’m being rude & distant because I want to be. But that’s not fair, I want to be a family, I want to want to be with them - I want to fix this... I’m not sure my body or mind can take much more of this unless something changes - please give me some advice!?
General Discussion / So where do I go
« Last post by Sealion74 on November 04, 2017, 02:08:39 PM »
So where do I go from here. I am a healthcare professional and an avid outdoorsman. The stigma attached to being depressed is uncanny. People look at you as if you were contagious. Meanwhile my soul screams in silence. I have survived gangs, drug dealing and yet in the end the emotional scars that I have used to protect myself is what will be the very thing that might be my demise. Dont know why today of all days but, today is bad. I can deny the depression. I can run from it. Still no matter what I do I cant fight it.  I have saved lives. People and families are together because of me yet I find no solace in that. I will go to sleep and wake to fight another day
General Discussion / Dad of Two Girls
« Last post by Josh of 2 girls on October 24, 2017, 11:28:48 AM »
Thank you guys for this site. I hope others will use this forum. My second daughter will be 4 weeks old tomorrow. I still very often have no idea what I'm doing. My wife has Crohn's disease and gave birth to both our girls via cesarean. I am scared to go back to work and not be home to help take care of all 3 of my girls. I'm military and have been eating up leave to stay home. I know I eventually got to a decent point before the second was born, but not to the level of parenting I really want in the end. Now I just feel overwhelmed and tired all the time. I know I'm good at things. Why can't I be just as good at parenting?
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