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Struggle between cultures
« on: January 05, 2018, 05:42:58 AM »
I put myself in a particular situation, that I never thought it could go this far. I'm new here and I didn't read much yet around but would like to share what I am through.

I am raised in a different culture, and my wife really relies much on me when it's just me and her (I also do rely on her back and she did make a difference in my life. We have healthy opposing forces that always push us to a better tomorrow together). Since we got married, her father told her to follow their traditions (which is what my country was 20years before I was born to my knowledge) but I said ok, we stick to it to what relates to them and we live our married life to nowadays. This went fine until our first newborn, her parents are spending quite some time with us (actually her mother came over for the first month of the son's birth to assist my wife's recovery) and I feel I crashed, I never think bad about anyone but I actually pictured myself punching her father (a next to never thing I did with anyone). Everything I do with my son goes through research first to make sure it's the thing to do, concerned about safety and healthy upbringing (as we never had prenatal classes) and always challenge my ideas to research (to which it feels I am doing prety well), while my wife with respect to her parents she listens to what they suggest, leaving me fighting (emotionally) with all the time with everyone.

Mostly it's concerned health and safety to our son. He is strong and healthy, her parents are experienced with 6 children, never the less they never thought certain clothes might be dangerous to let a newborn sleep with and I calm myself down by letting them do. I am afraid my moods might affect my son, and worse my son gets permanently affected. I am finding the energy (actually making my body believe so with a cup or 2 of strong coffee) to spend whole night awake just to spend little time alone with him and makes me feel better than having to wake up all the time at night because his mother wants to look over him. The first 4 hours when all wake up then I take my sleep. Maybe I am over protective and worrying too much too. His mother (my wife) seems to be doing fine and although she can't stand a cry to reach to him, she seems calm with anything her siblings or parents do with him.

I do believe I got weaker since the night I told my 2-week son that I'm sorry to bring you into this world. I did soon after think it's no big deal what we're passing through and once we are back on her own we will be ok (like many other healthy children). Today it's the third week and I was angry enough to lock my family in our room telling my wife it's our son and we know what's right for him, no need to be dictated about his upbringing. a few minutes later I am questioning myself and doing research on whether I should be seeking assistance.

PS, a bit of background info; I am in a country that I have a huge language barrier, but I manage to spend years (back and forth to my country) here but I can't do a complex conversation esp when no one speaks english here and her parents don't even speak the common language but a dialect (to which I would need to rely to my wife to translate). I am also moving my work (a new thing) to a mobile one wich also has it's pressure in establishing something new out of your knowledge borders to rely on a financial income, but we are all fine set for a few months or years with huge support from my family back in my country.

I'd be pleased if anyone can highlight or suggest anything that might do for me and hope this helps anyone in same situation that they are not alone.